CARVSMARK

Just let it happen!

Okay this post is for all the parents out there that are worried about the world their kids are living in and making sure they get the best and do the best. I am a mother of three boys so I get this pressure from keeping your kids from bad kids, to making sure they are in an environment where they dont become drug addicts, to making sure they are in IVy league schools so they get the best degrees. I am also an educator of 28 years of 13-18 year olds and I am here to say…. Just let it go!!!

Thats right! Chill out! Be the parent and not the friend but also let them fall, let them see disappointment and let them cry. Its okay! I am here to say, what you need to do is relax. I think in my years of parenting I have had to relax or be told to many days. You see no matter what you do, the best advice I can give to any parent is remember each of your children are on their own paths. Support them to that, give them the support to be there when they fall, but also be there to encourage them to face their fears. But never tell them what to do that is their journey you are stumbling on. 

I have three boys, my first boy is crazy energy like a tasmanian devil who can think of a thousand things at a time and is so intelligent that grasping the concept of one thing at a time is impossible for him. I use to go to the local Value Village and let him buy toys for him to come home dismantle them and make new ones. He was an engineer from the beginning. I had to let him vent that creativeness or he would explode. And yes he played soccer but played to with such focus and precision just like he viewed life. Yes, he was a good kid and no he was not always in trouble in fact it was the opposite, he was the one who would give his shirt off for anyone who he cared for. He failed many times, from not getting on the soccer team he wanted to not getting the A he strived for but he always persevere and never let the fight down. He cried, he got frustrated and he got up and tried again. University was a breeze of frustrating social moments, exhausting calculus classes and co-ops that challenged him to the limits. Was it easy of hell no but he got through it and is learning to be on his own, have his career and is independent.

My middle child has a sense of humour that only conan o’brien would appreciate. He was challenged by health issues all his life and bullying. Yes, bullying. He was faced with a spinal surgery at 10 and took him away from a very promising run in soccer. Wore a neck brace for almost two years to only loose all his friends. Went to highschool trying to recoup friendships after such a hardship and in the end had to leave the school all together  to another school where his new beginning from such a fall came out to lead the school robotics team and start athletic council. Graduated, became a coach of soccer and continued playing for the joyment of it. He found joy in the little things that he loved, he loves simplicity because his life has been soo complicated growing up. As a mother, it was endless hospital trips and lots of hugs as I kept on supporting him even when he was down and I could see him barely have the fight to fight any more. He’s soon to be a teacher. Following in my foot steps and though he did experiment to ease pain, he always found a way to push through. He loves his fishing and golfing and yes soccer! But is the one with the room that looks like Typhoon Maria came through and looses everything!

My third child was the one who was dragged to every soccer game his brothers had, the one they pusehd around and told him he was too small and didnt’ know anything. You know the little one who seemed to love everything and not care too much about anything. He too was bullied in school and it was hard on him. He was the kid frowning in his grade 6 class photo because a dog was running with his soccer ball across the field ripping the ball apart. He always had a drive to prove his brothers wrong. He is smart, he is athletic and he can do whatever he decides and boy has he proved that. He is the explorer the one you will hear… well fuck it lets do it! He thrived in his highschool through robotics his brother has left as a legacy, and teachers who deeply cared for him. It doesnt matter the school it matters the attitude your child brings to the table. He has now been playing international soccer traveling the world and doing what he loves. He is the worst at making decisions but is the best in being open to whatever comes his way. He is the neat freak of the family but from that is also the most disciplined you can ever meet.

Often I am asked, why do you have such great kids. Well my answer we decided a long time ago we were raising three good people for this world. I supported them in the good the ugly and the confusing times but never told them what to do but gave them options of what they could do and then they chose. Was it always a good choice no but thats where they learn. I hate bucketlists you see that means you have pressure to complete this list before you die. When you have a child the pressure of society creates a bucketlist on your kids. Graduate, get a degree or trade, get a job, get married, have kids. But this world is not like the one I grew up in. And everyone has their journey and once you honour that withyour kdis you have a great ride as a parent. I told my kids take the courses you will never get to take and love in highschool. AP forget them unless you want to that does not get you into post-secondary doing and learning about what you love gets you to post-secondary school. Explore your world if that is travel, school or work. There is no right or wrong path the only wrong a parent does is the making that path for your child and not letting them make their own. And yes they are old enough at any age. 

Love my three boys who are so different and so alike all at the same time. They love and all of them would give you their shirt off their back to help any one of you. Spend time with your kids and RELAX each day is their journey as it is yours as a supporter. Remember  they are the first people they get to love in this world. How lucky are we!