CARVSMARK

No matter where I am at this one word comes up always…. Enttitlement! And it is usually describing the teens and young adults of today either going through the school system, post-secondary or entering the work world. Kids want everything now, they only wnat the best and devalue anything less than what they think is valuable. A Plumber… no that is grudge work yet a plumber is a great profession in that you have your own company, create your own hours and makes more than the lawyer down the street. College? No has to be university though stastically the rate of failuer is so high in the first two years most bail on school before even getting there, but hey they got in! Then there is I can’t find a job that suits my lifestyle or it doesnt pay enough. I hear this all the time as an educator and just a mom hearing from my boys friends etc.

Where did we go wrong? What happened to workign for things and not being entitleted to have them just becuase you breathe. This was part of the reason why I took a break from teaching the enttitlement was so much that I couldn’t help but get so frustrated and stressed by it. I remember eating out was a luxury a time that I looked forward to as we got to wear our new dress and have fun with family. Now its coming to our school like a welcome tray of gourmet while peanut butter and jeally jsut dont measure up to their superior taste buds.

I think to understand this we need to go back to when we all became parents in the 90’s and the titanic filled the movie theaters, the cold war ended. It was an era of contridictions, bigger more elaborate homes, and SUV’s became a thing. We were working longer hours, drinking more coffee and double income was a must in order to survive the pressures of trying to have a house and kids like the generations past. Daycare was a must in order to survive and move forward, long were the days that grand parents took care of the grand kids as they were wrokign longer into their lives. Casual dress codes came into play, while grunge and hip hop filled our radios. Divorce rates were on the rise and the pressures were building.

So, we were a generation trying to find a way to build a life that the baby boomers had successfuly created but were doing it under a world of every changing contridictions and Google where life all changed when facebook came into play and there were people becoming millionaires on apple stock alone. The guilt of leaving your child in a daycare and not givign them as much as we could became our down fall I believe. We had so much piled up at the end of the week. fast food, and watching rugrats was a way of coping. The guilt of leaving a child at 6 months was hard on parents when they had often grown up with a parent at home or a family home to play at.

Gosh growing up I was not allowed to talk to a teacher like a peer, I definately did not have a personal computer until I was in university, I had to go to the library if I wanted to know anything, my grades came in the mail, no cellphones, one would have to use a telephone to coordinate with friends and usually a dial up or push button. I had to learn to plan ahead in order to go to functions or a I missed out.

So, now our 90’s parents have entitled kids and the reason I think is because sociedy is changing and we are raising our kids under a pressure like no other. I think out of guilt we want them to have the best we can give them because we seem to think we are not giving them as much time, as much of what they need and are leaving them to their own devices to grow up. We turn into firends and not paretns.

I am often asked how do you have such great boys! Yes, I have three amazing boys who are now men. But I raised them with my husband and incredible daycare under some rules that we all agreed too. I am here to spill my beans and secrets.

1. Be a good example. I think the best way to show “good” and “polite” as a human being. I think my husband and I were always showing the boys how to be good to people in all kinds of situations. If that was as a teahcer, a coach, a volunteer we did our best to do so.

2. Expose them to life when they are young. Kids only busy themselves with what they care about. They are stuck in a silo and dont undersatnd reality outside of their little bubble. We traveled, and when it was their birthdays we asked them do you want a party or an experience.

they always chose experience. It took us to the Oregon sand dunes, water skiing, zip lining etc. and in different parts of the world in other cultures. If they wanted an Ipad or a phone they had to work for half of it. I thinkthis helped them learn an accurate expectation of what they deserve and what theyd dont. They began to realize what privilege really was.

3 Provide short and simple explanations of things. Children dont listenvery well, but they do wantt ot learn. The more parents give simple explanations for kids, the more likely childredn will listen and learn from experience. Usually kids will have less issue than if a parent just said, No or Becasue I said so.

4. Treat them like kids without the anger. I truly believe that for a child to learn proper behaviour they have to experience how they will be treated if they behanved theat way when they grow up. We can help our children by treating them with respect they would give to their peer or elder.

5. Be an advocate but dont be on their side when you know they have done wrong. I see parents vouching for their kdis at paretn-teacher interviews when they know they hae not been doing the work. Instead be there as a support to the situation. Support your teacher and child by coming up with a solution. Don’t advise the child to do something guide them to do the best course of action. This is one of the most difficult things to do but they will grow up to be a mature human being.

I am not saying I am any perfect parent. Oh gosh far from that but what I have learned that they are now adults and have grown into adults I love being around. And for those parents who have that question why? Its because we nurished daycare as for my boys it was a great place where they loved going, learned to interact with kids, adults and be independent before they even reached kindergarten. I never felt like I didnt have time with them because we made sure we were part of thier lives in all kinds of ways. Exploring the world together and learning but also explosing them to as much as we could that we loved growing up. We also taught them the value of working for something but also knowing the value of karma. When one does good for others often we get that much more back.

We seem to be blanketing the entire generation with this word…. entitled and I see it everwhere but is it just becuase we went wrong under the pressures of a contridicting era of the 90’s? I am hoping we can change the course as this is not because of a pandemic as we like to blame.